Engaged Encounter
A weekend retreat for engaged couples, offered in person and online.
- Format
- Weekend, in person or online
- Cost
- Ask when registering
Home / Marriage
Marriage & Family Life
Two become one.
Marriage is a vocation: God’s call to love one person for life, as a sign of Christ’s love for the Church. Here is what the Church teaches, and how to prepare in our diocese.
Why this matters
Fewer couples are marrying in the Church.
Catholic weddings in the U.S. have fallen by about three quarters since 1970, even as the number of Catholics grew. Every couple who says yes at the altar is a witness.
Source: Official Catholic Directory, reported by EWTN News, January 2026.
What makes it Catholic
Free. Total. Faithful. Fruitful.
The U.S. bishops describe married love with four words. Tap each one.
Freely chosen.
No one can say “I do” for you. The Church only marries a man and a woman who give their consent freely, without pressure or fear. That is why your priest or deacon asks you, out loud, whether you come freely.
The matrimonial covenant is “a partnership of the whole of life.”Catechism 1601
Holding nothing back.
Spouses give their whole selves: body, heart, time, plans and faults. Marriage is between one man and one woman, who become one flesh.
“Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter.”Catechism 1643
Until death.
The bond of a valid sacramental marriage lasts for life. Fidelity is not a cage. It is the promise that lets two people stop holding back and build something permanent together.
“Love seeks to be definitive; it cannot be an arrangement ‘until further notice.’”Catechism 1646
Open to life.
Married love is meant to overflow into new life and into service of others. Couples who cannot have children still live a fruitful love through hospitality, adoption, mentoring and care for others.
“Children are the supreme gift of marriage.”Catechism 1652
The wedding liturgy
What happens at the altar.
In the Latin Church, the bride and groom themselves are the ministers of the sacrament. The priest or deacon receives their consent in the name of the Church. Walk through the rite.
The questions
Before the vows, the priest or deacon asks the couple three questions: whether they come freely, whether they will love and honor each other for life, and whether they will accept children lovingly from God.
The consent
The bride and groom join hands and declare their consent before God and the Church. This is the moment the sacrament happens. The priest or deacon then receives their consent: “What God joins together, let no one put asunder.”
The rings
The rings are blessed and exchanged as a sign of love and fidelity, given “in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
Arras and lazo
Many Hispanic and Filipino families include the arras (thirteen coins, a sign of shared goods and care for each other) and the lazo (a cord or veil placed around the couple, a sign of their union). Since 2016 both blessings are part of the English edition of the Order of Celebrating Matrimony used in the United States.
The nuptial blessing
The priest or deacon calls down God’s blessing on the new couple, asking for faithfulness, children and a home that welcomes Christ.
Wedding date planner
When do we need to do what?
Contact your parish before you set a date or book a hall. If you already have a date in mind, enter it to see the key deadlines from our diocese’s preparation guide.
Pick a date to see your timeline.
Ten steps
Receiving the Sacrament of Marriage in our diocese.
Engaged? Tap a step to see the details, and check it off as you go.
0 of 10 steps complete
Do this before you set a wedding date or begin any other step. Your priest or deacon walks with you through the whole process, even if you marry in another parish.
Our diocese recommends the Catholic Couple Checkup, FOCCUS or Fully Engaged, all taken online through your parish. Ask which one your parish uses before you start.
Choose from in-person weekends or online courses, in English or Spanish. Compare the options below. Your parish may recommend one.
Take an NFP class in person or online. Our diocese lists the Creighton Model, Couple to Couple League (in Spanish at ligadepareja.org), learnNFP and SymptoPro. An introduction is offered in English and Spanish.
Begin your marriage with a clean heart. Confession before the wedding is a gift you give each other.
About 4 to 6 weeks before the wedding. Review your course, your inventory results, paperwork, readings and music.
Get your county license no more than 60 days and at least 1 day before the wedding. County offices close early before holidays.
You give the sacrament to each other, before God, the Church and the people who love you.
Stay close to your parish and the Office of Marriage & Family Life Ministry for workshops, conferences and support.
The wedding lasts a day. The vocation lasts a lifetime. Pray together, forgive quickly and keep choosing each other.
Checkmarks are for your own reflection. They do not record completion with your parish or save your progress.
Preparation courses
Find a course that fits.
These are the courses listed by our diocese’s Office of Marriage & Family Life Ministry. Ask your parish before you register.
The Marriage Group
An online Catholic marriage preparation course.
- Format
- Online
- Cost
- $195 per couple
Catholic Marriage Prep
An online course couples complete together.
- Format
- Online
- Cost
- $239 per couple
Godly Plan for Love & Holy Matrimony
A self-paced online course that includes Natural Family Planning.
- Format
- Online, self-paced
- Cost
- $150
Thrive!
An online course from the Diocese of Kansas City–St. Joseph.
- Format
- Online
- Cost
- $250 per couple
Prices are as listed by the diocese and may change. See the diocese’s preparation guide →
Wherever you are
Not engaged? There is a next step for you too.
Married civilly
Have your marriage blessed.
If you married outside the Church, your parish can help you celebrate your marriage in the Church (often called convalidation).
Ask your parish → MarriedKeep growing together.
Ideas for prayer, communication and hard seasons from the U.S. bishops’ For Your Marriage.
Visit For Your Marriage → DatingDiscern before you propose.
How to date with purpose and tell whether this is the person God is calling you to marry.
Dating and engagement →Questions
What couples ask most.
How far ahead should we contact the parish?
Before you set a date or book anything. Many parishes ask for several months of preparation, so call as soon as you are engaged.
Can we marry outside a church, like a beach or a vineyard?
Catholic weddings normally take place in a church. Exceptions require permission from the bishop. Talk with your priest or deacon first.
Can a Catholic marry someone who is not Catholic?
Yes, with the Church’s permission. Your priest or deacon will help you request it as part of your preparation.
One of us was married before. Can we marry in the Church?
Possibly. A previous marriage must first be reviewed by the Church. Your parish can explain the declaration of nullity process and help you begin.
Is Natural Family Planning required?
Learning about NFP is one of our diocese’s ten preparation steps. Classes are available online and in person, in English and Spanish.
Can we include the lazo and arras?
Yes. Both blessings are part of the Order of Celebrating Matrimony used in the U.S. Tell your priest or deacon so they can include them.
A marriage & family-building Church
Filling lives with hope.
The Office of Marriage & Family Life Ministry offers formation for marriage at every stage of life, so families can grow as a domestic church.
Co-Directors
Mario Orlando & Paola Martinez
- Phone
- (909) 475-5390
- pmartinez@sbdiocese.org
- Address
- 1201 E. Highland Ave., San Bernardino, CA 92404